Great abs are made in the kitchen... not in the gym

I just heard this ancient nugget of wisdom, and while the attribution for the original quote ranges widely (up to and including Arnold Schwarzenneger) the point behind it is simple.

Doing 1,000 crunches won't result in washboard abs.

What I think is a better quote is that "Great abs are made in the gym, but revealed in the kitchen."

What does this mean, exactly?

One big myth you'll hear a lot of overweight wannabe exercisers state is that they want to target X body part, or lose weight there. Back at the beginning of the year, I watched two ladies with very large backsides and thighs do the same thing for the two weeks they were there. Walk on the treadmill, then get on the thigh machines.

Day after day.

It was clear that they wanted to lose weight in their thighs.

Thing is, exercise doesn't work like that. Oh, you can tone your arms, or crunch your way to washboard abs... but you're not going to lose weight by doing planks.

You have to eat right! My trainer at the gym tells us often: You can't out-exercise a bad diet.

See, I'm one of those lucky people who carries most of her weight in her abdominal area. Heck, look at the title of my blog!

What the "great abs are made in the kitchen" means is that you have to eat right, because when you gain weight, you'll gain it wherever you're genetically predisposed to do. Right now, when I tighten my abs, I can FEEL the strength. I've been working on them hard, for five months. I HAVE washboard abs.

They're just hidden under 30 lbs of eeew.

So what I have to do is lose weight... I can't lose weight in targeted areas, I have to lose weight ALL OVER. By eating less than I burn, regularly exercising, I can lose that weight, and eventually, my gut will go. I'll show off the washboard abs I can FEEL under all that fat. My genetics tell me that my stress and my overeating puts weight there.

My habits in the kitchen will defeat it. I can do more crunches than anyone I know... but I won't be able to see them until my eating habits are caught up.

So let's spread the word:

Great abs are made in the gym, but REVEALED in the kitchen!

Tai Chi and Trying to Recover

So this week put me face-to-face with my nemesis: School breaks. See, my routine during the week is to drop my kiddo off at school, then head straight to the gym, where I work out for 1-2 hours, depending on what classes are available.

On weekends, and when my daughter is out of school, I find it very difficult to get up in the morning. See, I work from home, and pretty much crawl out of bed when I like, and hit the computer. I'm not a morning person, and tend to not go to the gym if I don't go first thing. There's always something else going on to distract me.

So my daughter had three days off this week. So that meant I didn't go to the gym for three days this week. I'm already planning for the summer, though; I've made a friend at the gym, and I've already told her that when summer gets here, she's getting my number, and she's to text and nag me to come to class with her.

This SUCKS. I'm already gaining weight from not tracking my caloric intake (I've been good today, actually tracking my food, but I've been BAAD for several weeks, and gained back almost 9 lbs.) The stress level in this house has been catastrophic lately, too. My husband has been very sick. He ended up in the ER yesterday thanks to a nasty seizure last night. He slipped a disc, fractured his foot, and dislocated his jaw a bit. He's been sick almost constantly for weeks, and my stress level has just been through the roof. I think that's part of why I gained weight; I snack when I'm stressed. I'm trying to be more mindful, and have made sure to stock HEALTHY snacks.

Now, in more fun news: My daughter LOVES Tai Chi. After watching Kung Fu Panda 2, she wanted to try Tai Chi, and since I have a Tai Chi video, I put it on for her, and we did Tai Chi for 20 minutes while supper was getting ready. She loved it (she's 6) and it was good for me, too. I think we're going to start doing it more often, because she was so relaxed. She's a bit hyperactive, so anything that calms her down is good. I think Tai Chi would be good for her, too, because it gives her an awareness of what her body is doing, where it is, and how to make it do what she wants. She needs better balance, too. She's starting soccer this weekend, so I think being able to follow instructions and focus on her body will be extra good practice for soccer.

Tomorrow it's back to the gym, and I'm going to bust my butt to make up for the effort I've wasted this week.

Working out sucks when you're a mom

And not for the reasons you think.

It's the little known horror of the aerobics class. Jumping jacks are your bane. And if you're smiling or nodding, you already know what I'm about to talk about.

Let's start with this morning. It started out as many of my mornings do; dragging out of bed some 30 minute after the alarm went off (I know, I know, I'm working on that. My snooze button gets overused.) I took the kid to school, and raced to the gym to catch the first class of the morning. It's a boot camp class, one of those "who the heck KNOWS what's coming next" sorts of things. We ran, we lunged, we generally grunted and groaned.

Then, the instructor told us WE would pick the next set of exercises. We stood in a circle, and took turns leading the group (about 6) in an exercise. Squats. Burpees. Windmills. Then... my bane of banes. Jumping jacks.

Not just a few, either. FIFTY jumping jacks.

Now, I'm hardly a newbie in the fitness world; on the technical side of things, jumping jacks aren't difficult. I have the physical capability of.

No, my friend, my problem with jumping jacks is Mom's Bane. My bladder.

Oh yes. I peed ALL OVER myself. This was, sadly enough, only 30 minutes into this hour long class. I usually wear protection, but this time I'd forgotten, and wasn't too worried about it since we usually do weight training in this class on Thursdays.

Fate has a funny way of treating you. I was thankful I'd worn a long t-shirt instead of my usual -torso-hugging workout shirt. It hid the worst of it, but I was about to die of embarrassment. This was a mixed class, with guys and girls. The girls know... and one friend shared my horror with sympathetic frowns when I told her.

I decided to finish, but then I intended to go home and change out my wet pants for something less... toddler-accident-ish.

But you know something? After the class, I was ready to flee in shame, and I realized something.

No one cared. No one stared, commented, nor looked. The only one who knew was a classmate who has the same problem. So instead of skipping out on my next class, an hour-long weight class, I said screw it... I'm staying.

So I did. And I even told the instructor, and she was proud of me for sticking with it. The other ladies in that class (all the guys chickened out, they think that our 5 and 7 lb weights are girly) sympathized and told me in conspiratorial tones they had the same problem.

So I finished my class, and my biceps are screaming. I could have run home, but I didn't.

So what if they had noticed. No one cares. Everyone's generally polite enough that even if they did notice, they're certainly not going to say anything. So if you worry about people laughing at your thighs, or looking like a dummy in Zumba or not knowing what to do in that spinning class... remember me. Remember my urine-soaked panties and gigantic wet spot, and know that if I can get through an hour and a half of gym class with that, you can manage to look a little silly.

Besides, all of us started somewhere. Five months ago, I was the newbie in the class. I was the one standing in the back, embarrassed by my flopping belly and jiggling thighs.

And I'm already looking, and feeling great. And when a newbie comes in class with that deer-in-headlights look, I smile, introduce myself, and tell her that she's going to love it.

New faces at the gym

It's January, which means it's Resolution Time, and the gym is full of those new resolutioners.

I've been there long enough that I'm a Regular, the trainers know me, and some of the patrons from my classes know me too. I know a couple of them by name, though no one calls me by name, I take pleasure in being one of the "in" crowd.

There's a distinct increase in busy-ness that I figure will slack off in a few weeks as people realize that Losing Weight Requires Discipline, and those half-hearted attempts to lift weights won't actually result in weight loss without something else involved.

There's Dreds girl. She's got an ENORMOUS head of messy, kinda nasty-looking dreds. Now, I like dreds, generally; I like the small, neat rows, carefully maintained. But the thick, slept-in icky ones? No thanks. Her hair is twice as big around as the rest of her. She's one of those who wants to lose weight, but doesn't have much to lose; she's soft, but not huge. She'll probably quit when she realizes six pack abs don't happen in six weeks of bench presses. She's usually got a Man hovering around her, telling her what to do. He's not one of the trainers.

Then there's Let's Work Together resolution pair. They're both substantially overweight, and clearly there for moral support. I'm all for it; it's so much easier now for me now that I have friends there at the gym who notice when I'm making progress, and shout encouragements when the trainer's being particularly brutal.

The problem with this one is they're there for 30 minutes, work the same four machines in the same order, and do so at such a low speed and weight that they're not actually DOING anything. They talk the whole time, and you can watch; they're clearly working the "lose weight in X body part by doing X exercise" myth, because they have large thighs and are always working the thigh machines. They'll stop moving when they talk, and then remember to keep moving the weights. They won't last long, because what they're doing will do nothing in the end to reduce anything. I want them to succeed, and have even tried to encourage them to join me in the classes (I'm familiar with one of them, in passing "hello, we live in the same area" sort of way.)

They're afraid, though. They're afraid they'll look stupid, or that people will point and laugh. THe thing I learned pretty quickly about that is no one does... they're too busy worrying about looking stupid themselves, or just trying to get through the next exercise without falling over!

There's a sort of camaraderie in these classes, a shared trial of pain, that means you can shout and grunt and groan and everyone laughs and grunts and groans and shouts with you, because it HURTS, and you're all hurting.

Part of me wants the newbies to hurry up and fail and go home so I can have My Treadmill back, but the other part wants them to succeed so I can learn their names and shout encouragement when they do the classes with me.

I know they won't, though.

Then there's My Boyfriend Will Make Me Pretty. He stands over her, tells her how to use the machine, sets the weight way too high for her to handle, and laughs when she can't do as many reps as he can. Then he tells her to get up and he shows her how a Real Man does it.

Then they move to another machine, and they repeat it. She's wearing a cute outfit with words across her butt, probably "Juicy." She's already pretty, but he clearly wants her to be prettier, and she's letting him bully her into something that she hates. She won't last long, because she's not there for herself, she's there for him, and when he gets bored of being better than she is, he'll stop forcing her to go.

I wonder if he's paying for her membership.

Then there's the Old Couple. They're so adorable, and I love them. The guy comes, his wife sets him up on the treadmill, and presses all the buttons for him. He starts walking, and she joins us in our scary classes, and does a great job. I don't know her name yet. But I like her, and always make a point to talk to her after class.

One lady isn't a newbie at all; she's been going longer than I have, and she's got incredible focus. She's very overweight, but she's SO determined, and I've seen a definite change in her body - what she's doing is working. She works the cardio machines for hours, never makes eye contact, never uses the lockers, and works the weights constantly. She's making a life change, and it shows. I want to tell her that I've noticed her progress, and she's doing a great job, but she's very close-off from the world, and in four months, I've never even been able to catch a glance, so I don't want to intrude on her zone, since she's clearly IN IT.

I like to people watch in the gym.

Wait a minute...

With the influx of New Year's inspired emails, promotions, and TV shows, I'm listening to a lot of the advice being thrown around, and something occurred to me.

I'm not a beginner anymore. I don't even know if I'm intermediate. I've been doing the kinds of exercises in my classes that you see on Biggest Loser in those crazy Last Chance workouts.

I've been at this for over four months now, eating right, exercising; this isn't some New Year's fad for me. It's becoming a lifestyle.

And you know something? I like it. It's cool to encourage other people that I don't recognize to join a tough class at the gym, or get to know my fellow exercisers by name. To offer to run a 5k with a friend who's been struggling with her goals.

To be offering advice to those who are just starting, trying to pursue their New Year's dreams.

Wow. I'm not a beginner anymore. That is an awesome, awesome feeling.

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

The truth is... there is no ugly in this post. There's not even that much bad!

Over the holidays, I totally failed at my fitness goals. I went to the gym once, didn't exercise at home, and frankly, the only thing I did to exercise was I walked with my nieces for a couple of miles over Christmas.

Still though... I watched what I ate, made a lot of healthy choices, and only had two "naughty" days of eating... out of two weeks! I'm very proud of that. And those naughty days were totally earned. I had a trip to Outback Steakhouse, and one Waffle House morning breakfast that I allow myself to enjoy occasionally. AT least I don't go three or four times a week like I was doing!

I got a new digital scale at home for Christmas, so I've been using that... it seems to match up closely with the one at the gym. So I did what I haven't been able to... I weighed myself for real, naked. See, at the gym, I have to stand outside of the locker room fully clothed to weigh myself. So Monday, I got on my home scale when I woke up, stripped down, and decided to see what I REALLY weigh.

190.

ONE HUNDRED NINETY POUNDS. I even weighed myself again after zeroing the scale to make sure.

That means I've lost over 20 lbs.

That makes me SOO, so happy. And I had my very first comment Sunday morning about losing weight. The nursery lady asked me if I'd lost weight, and I was able to finally smile and say yes!

That is a good, good feeling!

OUCH my hamstrings

I've been taking a lot of classes at the gym, and I'm loving it so much. I'm not losing tons of weight like I was at the beginning;I've plateaued a bit. I'm losing about a lb a week, though, although this week I gained half a pound in spite of my best efforts.

My running training is way off... I took up a couple of new aerobics classes -one known only as "Heart Pumpin'". What she should call the stupid thing is "Heart Explodin"

It's left me too sort to run. I don't mind. :) I'm getting a great workout, and I figure I'll start running when I get used to this level of exercise. I am working on an informal interval training thing when the other classes don't leave me so wiped out I can't function. Last week's was so bad Monday that after Monday's THIRTY MINUTE session, I didn't walk right until Thursday. It hurts So good. This trainer really knows what she's doing, and she knows what I can do... and she makes me DO it. I love it.

The only thing I don't like is when we go outside and it's cold. Getting your heartrate up that high in the cold HURTS your lungs.

Right now, after her class, my hamstrings and my butt hurts. I think abs might have given me some soreness, too. I picked up another great class Friday by another trainer. This one's for an hour, and it's a whole-body workout, including weight training and aerobics, core and everything. I love it! it's only once a week, though. Most of the whole-body stuff is in the evenings, and it's just so hard for me to get to the gym in the evenings, plus it's more crowded.

so even though I gained a half pound, this week, I still feel great. Noticed during a staff meeting last week that my neck looks thinner. I haven't measured anything since my first month back; I need to do that!